An Elephant’s Memory – Jina Wallwork

I remember counting down the seconds before every meeting. Her smile caused my emotions to dance, and I felt genuinely happy. It was the kind of happiness that I believed only existed within the echoes of fairy tales. Still, I came to discover the truth of its existence. The ecstasy was beyond anything I had ever experienced. Within my thoughts, it exists as a lost piece of perfection.

      I declared my love and watched as my words cut away the friendship that brought me such joy. She responded by creating the distance that has now come to define me. I regret it because I can travel into my memories and see other actions I could have taken. I now understand the actual value of my own silence. I used to have something beautiful, but now these memories haunt me.

       Trapped within this moment, I am incapable of changing the past. I know that I must create new memories, but I cannot reach the joy I once felt. If the past was forgotten, I could believe that such happiness is merely a fantasy. I would no longer compare each joy with the intense emotional pleasure I once experienced.

        The experience of true happiness has changed me because I have witnessed great possibilities and the routine miracles that make life magical. I am unsure whether the experience has been a blessing or a curse because now it is only a memory.