The Fantasy by Jina Wallwork
There is space for a lover. She asks for him to be full of ambition and it draws my attention to how tired she looks. Overworked, she wants someone else to carry the load. She claims to speak of desire, but this isn’t passion or love. It looks more like a job application. She wants someone who can cook because she’s never taken the time to develop those skills. He will speak another language and easily master stressful situations. She highlights every gap in her own abilities and she searches for someone who can fill the void. This fantasy human being isn’t a person, he is a dream shaped by her desire for an easier life.
Her mind is filled with a fantasy, but such desire can’t take shape. There is a space in her life, and it will be filled, but she is unwilling to let go of the dream. She can only make space for a pretender, a man who pretends to climb mountains when he can only climb trees. He will wear a costume to disguise his true self. She will never know who he is because he will always conform to her desires, or what he believes her desires to be. There will always be people who are willing to change. They do this so they can touch our hearts, but it is an endless climb with no destination. The heart they strive for will always be out of reach because a true connection is impossible if you can’t see the truth of who someone is.
This perfect being who exists in her mind, it’s not a blueprint for a lover. It exists as inspiration and it tells her of the areas where she could grow and develop. She shouldn’t look for him in the world around her. This character contains the pieces of the person she could become. This dream is a guide to show her that she can grow and develop into something more.
If this man entered her life there would be no heart to greet him. Hearts are filled with wisdom and a passion for the unexpected. This man contains the areas where she knows that she must grow and develop, but her heart must lead her to the people who will encourage her to grow in ways that she never imagined. The path that we decide for ourselves is often ill suited to who we are. Thankfully, a wise heart will always show us the way.
