Release – Jina Wallwork
Trapped within an endless goodbye, I struggle to silence my words. I attempt to ease his heartache while I talk of leaving. He believes that my words are imposters and he dismisses them. He imagines a future beyond our conversations and guides me to read from a different script. I want an escape route that won’t leave a trail of destruction because I do care for his wellbeing. There is still a tiny light flickering in the darkness. It is the connection of love that exists between us. It isn’t an intense flame of passion, it is only a tiny spark. It has its own beauty and, even though it is tiny, it is still a light. I’m within that flicker of heat because this connection is a mixture of the both of us. If I let go, I know that a piece of me will be lost forever. It is the part of me that only he understands. I will no longer be the person who exists within this connection. I will cease to be shaped by the relationship and I will change as a result. I’m not just letting go of a bond; instead, I’m letting go of a piece of myself. I feel a deep loss, but I know that he mistakes this for an expression of a deeper love. Every tear nourishes his hope while condemning my own. This connection between us is only a spark, and I desire so much more. I have to let go.